The Daily Grind

I am back to work finally...ugh! See I havent worked since Oct. 27. Took a couple days off personal leave then went on vacation then didnt work for a couple more days. I know...what a slacker! Anyway heading back out of town left me feeling a little aprehensive. I'm not entirely sure why. I guess having had my world turned upside down and "inside out" then back again had become sort of my norm, whereas work represents structure and predictability. I think our bodies or at least our minds can adapt to pretty much any situation given enough time. If turmoil and confusion become an everyday thing, the structure of a work environment can seem quite foreign. I'm guessing therein lie some of our issues as human beings. In our ordinary day to day existance we are forced to bounce around from work to real life in only a matter of a few hours. As professionals we are expected to behave a certain way with very limited fluctuations in our personalities. We are not supposed to be emotionally involved in our work setting. On the other hand, we are creatures driven by feelings and emotions. We respond to changes in our surrounding environment with anger, or happiness. We are programmed to care about other people and their feelings and adapt to changing situations based on what we see and feel around us. If our co-worker is clearly unhappy or in some sort of distress it can make us a little uncomfortable. This is a work environment, no emotions, no feelings, just work. Then we get home to our spouse or children and we immediately are expected to become someone with feelings and emotions. We are now in our home environment. Our families and friends need us for support and encouragement. They need us to feel their pain and respond accordingly. They need us to share in their happiness. Then in a few short hours it's back to work. Turn it off, get back in the game. No wonder we are all such a mess most of the time.

Bear with me Blogbuds, I am working through something here. I know that at times I have been emotionally unavailable and writing down some thoughts is actually helping me sort it all out in my head. You don't have to read it if you dont want to. This one is pretty much just for me.

Our blogs can serve a dual purpose I think. On one hand they can advertise our strengths like hey read this, Im really funny sometimes. Or hey look how sensitive and deep my thought process can be. They can also just be for us to write down thoughts we have, ideas, or a bunch of facts that may or may not be important to anyone but the writer. I think its cool that we can share what we write with others and comment on those posts that we read. Maybe my blog is a sort of transition from work to real life, or possibly the link between the two of them. Hmm more stuff to ponder.

I suppose there has always been blogging but before the age of the personal computer they were just notes scribbled on a scrap of paper and hidden away in someones writing desk or bedside table. Or even earlier blog posts painted on the side of a cave wall, or painstakingly etched in stone for the future generations to ponder. What will become of our posts in the future? Will they be any less interesting to the scientists of the future? Does thinking about it make you want to change your subject matter? Please dont. I love reading your posts just as they are. I really wouldn't be interested in knowing where a buffalo herd likes to go in the winter. (reference to cave paintings). Have a great day BLEEPS!

Whats going on?

OK some of you may know that I have been dealing with a crisis in my world lately. My wife and partner of 22 yrs has recently moved into her own place. Yes it sucks. But...she and I have been seeing each other casually, dating if you will. We go to dinner, movies, and sometimes just watch TV or take a walk together. And we talk, scratch that...we COMMUNICATE.

I find myself wondering why we havent been dating all along? Are we so wrapped up in our own crap that we forget the person who matters most to us in the world? I know, jobs and schedules and obligations. All important but none so important as the other half of US.

My wife and I have had a really tough year. Not an excuse just a fact. Our current situation although not ideal, has shown us what is really important. We love each other and want our marriage to not only work but to grow and thrive. We want to grow as a couple and as individuals. We want to get old together and add to our many wonderful memories.

I looked at my beautiful wife today and really saw her. I saw her eyes, kind and understanding. Her skin glowed and her cheeks were just a little red from the chill in the air. I loved her. More today than yesterday and more tomorrow than today. I wanted to marry her all over again and spend the rest of my life reminding her that she is a beautiful person inside and out. A delicate flower to be admired and cared for. A strong, capable woman who is fearless. A best friend and lover for all time. My better half. Without her I am only part of a man. She holds my heart and always will.

I must be the luckiest guy in all the world.

We are going to work out our issues, and live out the rest of our lives happily together. I know this because it is what we both want. I suspect she might read this post at some point and if she does thats ok. I think she would agree with all of it.

Cindy, if in fact you are reading this, I love you and I cant wait to see you again.

Roadtrip...the end.

I made it home safe and sound. The last 500 or so miles ticked away this evening. I am glad to be home and yet a little sorry my trip is over.

In just over 3100 miles I discovered that I cant always control every situation. I learned that I am not always right but sometimes I am. I learned that it is important to really listen to what people are saying. I learned that right here at home is where my heart is, and home is where I belong.

I spent a great deal of time thinking about my life up to this point and where I would like to go from here. I thought of people and places not really relevent to the trip I was on, but relevent to my life as a whole. I thought a great deal about the way things used to be,the way things are now and, the way I see the future shaping up. I made some new friends and visited some old friends. I saw some of our country's beautiful scenery and some really strange ocean creatures. I waded in the chilly Atlantic just because I wanted to feel the chill and the sand in my toes.

I visited or passed through Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, and Tennessee. Thats a lot of travelling for a week. There were a lot of places that I wanted to explore further but I didnt feel like I had the time...this time.

I am already looking forward to my next road trip. Not for sure where it will take me but I believe it will be west of here. The key to a good road trip is lack of planning...if you have no plan you cant be disappointed. Get out there and drive...its fun and you may be surprised at what you find. Go alone or take a friend or 2. Be safe and have fun.

Im gonna sleep for about 12 hours now. I'm tired. Good night Bleeps!

Roadtrip part 3

Still on the road and a long day it was. Logged 644 miles today. From Wilmington NC to Nashville TN. What a crappy driving day. Rain and wind. I did dip my toes into the cold Atlantic this morning as promised and got a surfer dude to take my picture whilst in the water. Then it was back to driving. The route today was really easy to follow. I-40 West. Leaving Wilmington I noticed a sign that read Barstow Ca. 2550 miles. Wow, I-40 must be long. I went pretty much due west across North Carolina, over the Appalacian mountains and into Tennessee. The area right on the border of the 2 states is unimaginably rugged and beautiful. To think that someone once said "hey, we should put a hiway here", totally blows me away. The hiway is in excellent shape. Easy to follow with no real need for my navigation thing. Getting through Knoxville Tn at rush hour is a challenge but I made it. Probably should have heeded the bypass sign just east of Knoxville. Oh well all is well and no new dings or scratches to report. I am staying the night at the Holiday Inn Express in Juliet Tn. Nice place, the front desk clerk upgraded me to a king suite and it is really nice. Yea priority club!! Tomorrow may be my last day on the road depending how late I sleep in. Mapquest says its 525 miles home from here and thats a pretty full day. I have enjoyed my time out on the road. Someone once said we sometimes need to go to our happy place. I think my happy place is on the road, driving with no real destination and only a loose time schedule. I have often thought it would have been nice to have a friend along to chat with and bounce ideas off of, but when I'm just driving to think and get my head straight, a passenger may have been a distraction. I would have liked to stop more along the way and see and do different things but experiences are more fun when you have someone to share them with. Perhaps another roadtrip is in the future. One complete with friends and adventures. Maybe I will go West next time. I always wanted to see whats out west. Deserts and cactuses (cacti?) and the sun setting in front of me. The rocky mountains are beautiful and I have seen some of them from the road. Mostly in Canada though. A houseboat trip on lake Mead might be fun. Never seen the Hoover Dam. (take all the dam pictures you want...got any damn bait?) Yeah its from a movie. Im off to sleep now. Will write more tomorrow if the cat lets me...he will be needing a good scratching when I get home. Goodnight friends!

Roadtrip part 2

Ok so today was a really roadtrippy day. I logged about 200 miles travelling from Lewisburg West Virginia to Fredricksburg Virginia to have lunch with a good friend. On the way to Fredricksburg I passed some of the prettiest farms ever. Apparently people along hwy 33 like to raise horses. I met my buddy at the Panera Bread store in Fredricksburg and had sammiches and soup and some good conversation. We chatted about where my next stop should be and I decided to head south. Off I went towards Wilmington North Carolina. About 325 miles. Lovely drive down I-95. Not a lot of road construction and once out of Virginia...fewer police cars. I counted 10 (ten) police cars in one 43 mile stretch of hwy 295. This is a sort of bypass around the city of Richmond. Yeah watch your speed in Virginia! It was a sort of misty rainy day driving into Wilmington and it had almost gotten dark when I arrived so I didnt get to see much of the city. I did have a delicious supper at a place called Carrabba's Italian Grill. Calamari, minestrone soup, and a yummy seafood cannelloni dish. Theres an apple crust ice cream caramely thing in the refridgerator for later too. Tomorrow I will be heading to the beach rain or shine to dip my toes in the chilly Atlantic. Just something I feel like doing. I was last in the Atlantic ocean as a little kid...it was cold then too. Then I suspect I will head west and towards home. I'm starting to get a little tired out from driving and I figure 2 more good days on the road will get me home. I am glad I went on this little trip and hope to do another one soon. Anyway, see you all tomorrow!

Roadtrip!

So I decided to take a little trip to help clear my head. What a trip it has been, and its only Tuesday night! Last Saturday I went to Kansas City to attend a concert with some friends. Roger Waters (of Pink Floyd)was performing "The Wall" Let me just say...WOW! Outstanding performance, amazing visuals, positive message. Best concert I have ever seen or will see I suspect. So after the concert I slept over at my friends house and planned an early departure the following morning.
Day 1: Leave Missouri and head for Hillsboro Iowa to visit a family member who is terminally ill and hasn't a lot of time left. We had a very serious talk and we laughed and cried and hugged one another. I may not see Richard again in this life but I know one day we will meet again. I stayed an hour or so and was on my way once again. East into Illinois and on to Indiana. My first night was spent at a very nice Holiday Inn Express in Crawfordsville Indiana a few miles north of Indianapolis. Did 30 minutes on the treadmill and off to bed.
Day 2: Leave Indiana and head for Ohio. I had never been to Ohio and really just wanted to touch the state. I arrived in Cincinnati early in the day and went about looking for something to do. You come all the way to Ohio you better at least see something cool right? I found myself about to park at the zoo and the nice lady at the parking lot told me about a place called Newport Kentucky. It was just across the river and she said it was a cool place to hang out. Off I go to Newport. Wow, what a cool place. I went to the riverwalk area and spent a couple of hours in the aquarium looking at fish and sharks and all things watery. There were a bunch of little kids there and they made me remember that things really are supposed to make you go "Oooo and AAaaahh" There are a lot of creatures out there in the world, beautiful animals, big animals, and tiny ones too. Maybe the funniest thing I saw there was a tank full of little eels that live in the sand. They would poke their heads up until I waved my hand in front of them then they vanished right back down into their hiding places. Sort of like wack a mole but with tiny eels. After my visit to the aquarium I figured I had better get on down the road. I headed due east and ended up in Charleston West Virginia. If you go there you have to see the capitol building...it is amazing. I stayed at the Holiday Inn and would have had a lovely time had I not decided to drown my sorrows in too many drinks. Long story short, I got to spend a few hours in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. Fun? NO.
Day 3: So after my near death drinking binge I was off again driving east. I dont recommend driving after a night of binge drinking. Add to my already queasy head and guts I drank the better part of a pot of coffee to get me started. Yeah, a tad bit jittery. Driving was a nightmare and so I gave it up after just over 100 miles. I had landed in Lewisburg West Virginia. Ok I was sick all day but still had enough sense to look around while I was headed down the west virginia turnpike. UNBELIEVABLE SCENERY! Really. The 4 bucks I paid for tolls was nothing. I would have paid more just to see it. I recommend the drive, you will thank me later. That brings me to where I am now. Tomorrow I plan to drive up to Fredricksburg Virginia and have lunch with a friend who lives there. Then I may start back towards Kansas. I havent decided for sure. I dont really care to backtrack cause I have seen that stuff already. Maybe I will go a more southerly route back home. Anyway check back for my continuing adventures! Night!

Still Lurking

Hey Bleeps! Just a quick note to say hello. I have been very busy it seems. Work, family stuff, helped out a friend with a fundraiser, made a website (business not personal) and I'm working with a couple of friends to develop a new tool that will maybe reduce some on the job injuries and make me some loot. In any case I have not just been slacking. I haven't had much time to think about blogging but I do still lurk around your posts. Oh I did have a post idea yesterday but decided it might be too "R" rated for you all. ATTENTION: STOP HERE IF YOU GET OFFENDED EASILY... My post idea was wondering if I weighed more with an erection or less due to the notable anti-gravity effects of an erection. Yeah I know gross right? I warned you it was bad. Keep in touch friends!