Teach Your Children Well...

School is back in session. I drove Sweety-Pie to class the other day because she was running late and didnt want to look for parking. It seems to me that some parents are clearly wasting their hard earned dollars by sending their kids away to college. The money would be better spent sending them to some sort of remedial kindergarten. Here are a few notes to go over with the kids before sending them off to pretty much anywhere.

#1 Walking in the street is dangerous. Part of your parents money pays for those empty sidewalks. They were put there for you, use them.

#2 You are not special. Look around, there are bunches of others just like you.

#3 Thats a "back" pack...wearing it in the front, covering your field of vision will possibly injure you and will positively make you look like an idiot.

#4 Winter in Kansas is cold. Wear a coat. Ladies, coats are clunky and they cover up your new college outfits but remember from #2 nobody is looking at you anyway. Guys, frostbite doesnt make you look tough. Its pretty gross actually. And guys, no females are gonna be interested in kissing you while you are nursing a nasty, mid-winter, coughy, boogery, phlegmy cold. Wear a coat.

#5 Look before you cross the street. Dont assume that "pedestrians have the right of way". A 3000lb car travelling at 30mph will fucking ruin your day. (yes, I was hit by a car once. I wasnt hurt bad but my bicycle was pretty much trashed)

#6 This is an important one... The people you are pissing off with your juvenile antics today, (me), are the same ones you will be expecting to give you a tip when you serve them dinner tomorrow.

Dont get me wrong, I really like young people. I just think they sometimes forget the basics when they go off to college. So, Mom and Dad, Go over some basic rules of survival with your college bound kids and send them on their way with a hug, a kiss and their mittens securely safety pinned to their coats.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you all!! Been very busy in Kansas but all is well. Sorry I havent stayed in touch but I think of you all often.

Farewell My Friend

   I am losing a good friend. My beloved cat Denali has been battling cancer for quite some time. Vet visits, surgery, and long nights have taken their toll on him. His time has come and I hope he knows that he will be missed. Denali has been a part of my family for nearly 14 years and saying goodbye is not easy. I vowed early on that I wouldn't let him suffer and today I intend to honor that vow.

 I have heard it said that a good friend doesn't judge you or expect anything from you...not true. My friend expected a lot from me and if ever I failed or came up short on his expectations he was quick to let me know. He demanded attention and sulked whenever he didn't get his way. He did pretty much what he wanted to do and on his own time schedule. He would stand and whine for as long as it took to get whatever it was he wanted. He decided for a while that he needed to be watched while he was eating, and so would whine until someone followed him to his food bowl. He would decide when he wanted to play and when he wanted to be left alone regardless of what I or anyone else may have going on at the time. When he was young he would often hide and grab at me from his secret locations.  Sometimes the hide and grab game would end up with me in the bathroom cleaning a wound. I don't think he really intend to hurt anyone but those claws were sharp.

When I got a dog, instead of being jealous and petty, Denali decided that he would claim his title of King of the house. Sometimes I referred to him as "His Majesty the Cat", a fitting moniker that stuck with him for years. At 75 lbs the dog was much larger than Denali but that didn't seem to even enter into the mind of the King. Sometimes he would deliberately agitate the dog to start a confrontation. Ultimately the dog would get bit on the ear and cry while Denali casually strolled away the clear victor. I believe they liked each other though, because when they thought no one was watching they would occasionally lie down together for a nap.

   He first came to me as little more than a ball of blonde fluff that easily fit in my palm. He grew up to be a very large and dominating fellow. At one point he weighed in at around 26 lbs which I understand is quite large for a regular cat He had long blonde hair that I was constantly cleaning off of the furniture. He loved to sleep in my bed. He would get nervous during thunderstorms and needed to be very close to me...I always told him it would be okay and that he was safe and sound then we were both off to sleep. He snored like a bear but instead of an annoyance I chose to think of it as sort of soothing.

Despite all his demands and whining, he was a good friend. He was always around to listen when I spoke to him and he seemed like he understood some of what I was telling him. If he thought I was lonely or not feeling well, he would come sit with me and try to "pet" my face. Yes, the claws were a problem sometimes but he meant well so I never got upset.

   He won't be with me here in this place much longer, but I will carry him in my heart and in my thoughts until it's time for me to go. Who knows, maybe sometime I will see him again in a better place with more secret hiding places and no scary weather.


   Goodbye my friend, I love you.  

Candy is Dandy

Hey blogbuds...it's really me! I have missed you all and I had an idea for a post so here I am!

I LOVE Smarties. You know the little candies popular around Halloween? Small round things wrapped in plastic? Not to be confused with the Canadian Smarties which are more like a Skittles and come in a box. I may be addicted to Smarties. They are my crack, or heroin, or whatever the latest kick is. I love their look, their ease of packing into my grip (a grip is a bag carried by railroad types) and I even love the crinkly sound the empty wrappers make, but I have to admit it also means there are none left so it's kind of sad too.

There are a lot of reasons to love Smarties. The way they crunch in my mouth and the deliciousness of their processed sugary selves...mmm! And they are multi colored but pretty much all taste the same...good! There are exactly 15 Smarties in each little wrapper and to my surprise there are 15 Smarties pictured on each little wrapper.(truth in advertising) Because there are always 15 in a wrapper, I have found that there are a number of ways to enjoy my Smarties. I can have them 1 at a time, I can have them in 5 groups of 3, I can have them in 3 groups of 5 or, what has become my very favorite way to eat them, I can have them 1...2...3...4...5! Delicious and fun to eat! (I do recall a guy eating the whole package at once but I cant recommend it) I suppose there are several more ways to group the Smarties for eating but I don't want to do math tonight.

 I saw a package of giant Smarties at a candy store once and decided to give them a try but sadly they just weren't the same. The size was off as was the flavor. They tasted more like a Sweet-Tart but in a giant size. Boring! I'm not exactly sure about the calories and carbs and other nutritional info of a package of Smarties but I am pretty sure you can eat all of them you want and not die or get super fat. I hope not anyway because I eat the hell out of them.

 Thats my post...I love Smarties and I am not ashamed to admit it. In other news, I am still in Kansas and still work on the railroad. His Majesty the cat is alive and well after a bout with cancer and a 900 dollar vet bill. My girlfriend has moved in with her 2 cats who do not get along with His Majesty. Her cats are females and young like teenagers. Full of energy,cute, playful and curious. My cat is a grumpy old man who has very little interest in anything that involves him getting off the sofa. Wow our pets really do become like us!! I hope to start putting my nonsense on here for you all to yawn at again and I look forward to catching up on all of your posts as well. Glad to be back (maybe) and hugs to you all!

 Okay, I previewed this post and there are no margins or paragraphs or anything...wtf?

My New Tattoo

New tattoo that I got today. The inspiration for the tattoo was a photo titled "Weathered". (Thank you Tim and Jessica)

This tree has seen a lot during it's time here on Earth. It has seen scorching heat and bitter cold. It has been ravaged by time, floods, drought, and wind. This tree has seen much and it still stands strong. I have endured my fair share of "weather". Time, death, and divorce among others. I find myself today, still standing despite these setbacks. Weathered but still here. With any luck perhaps this old tree and I will have a few more years here on this rock we call Earth. Years to spend pondering one anothers existence and enjoying the company of someone or something that through our similar experiences are somehow connected in the grand scheme of things.

This tree is located about an hour North of my home. It stands very close to a river just off the highway in a protected parkland area. I was told by a park sevice officer who stopped me as I was leaving the area, that under no circumstances was I allowed in the area and that I was not allowed to park along a limited access hiway for the purpose of taking pictures of trees. He was pretty cool though and didn't write me a crap load of tickets. I got my shot and my tattoo artist, (Thank You Johnny T. at Flesh Art Tattoo) was able to create a beautiful work of art. I am positive that the tree would approve.

The pain? Excruciating! 3 hours in the chair and about a gazillion needle pokes...yeah it was painful. I love the tat and I hope you like it too! See ya!!

Catch Up...or Ketchup...Catsup?

Yeah this post has nothing to do with condiments.

Hi to anyone who still reads this blog. I realize I have been slacking, I would love to tell you it isn't my fault, my computer broke, my fingers went missing, or something else, but that would be a lie. I totally knew where my fingers were at the whole time. I have been lazy, and quite busy, and really not feeling very bloggy lately.

The truth is I still don't feel much like writing but I felt obligated to post something since I do in fact take up space on your internet. I realize that pretty much everything is taking up space on the internet but still I was feeling guilty.

What has been keeping me so busy? Well, nothing...that was a lie too. I dont think a lie inside of the truth is as bad as an outright lie though. Example: I didnt come in to work today(truth)because I was stricken temporarily blind(lie)and couldnt find any clean socks to wear(truth). This story also illustrates how laundry will not do itself, science is cool.

"You're fired", illustrates how a boss might sound if he had no sense of humor and was missing an important member of his team due to the science of laundry and or temporary blindness.

I really haven't got any good excuse for my absence in blogville other than I just wasn't feeling it lately. I do want to say hello to my blogbuds though and let them know I think of them often. So, if any of you reading this would be so kind as to pass along a message for me....yeah I kind of thought not. Had to try it.

Anyway I love you all, take care of one another and I will write when I can. Did someone just mumble "Dude you never could"? Not nice...not nice at all.

PS I'm not really fired...I hope :)

My Letter To Blatz Beer

Ok I recently sent an e-mail letter to the Blatz Brewery and my friend thought it was funny....yep, they have yet to respond...


To: Blatz Brewery,
I'm writing this letter to request a tour of your brewing facility and purchase 2 cases of your fine beer for a
nostalgic fishing trip with an old and dear friend.

First a little history:
My good friend Mike and I graduated from Pittsburg High School in Pittsburg Kansas in 1983. Mike and I were
great friends and partners in crime. (The fact is we never committed any real crimes but the cliche seems appropriate)
As is too often the case, shortly after graduation life started happening and Mike and I lost touch for several years. He
moved to Arkansas, and I relocated to Missouri. Sometime around 1989 I had returned to Pittsburg and Mike and I crossed
paths once again and discovered we still had a strong friendship and many similar interests. 2 of our favorite things in life
were fishing and drinking Blatz beer. Mike would show up ringing my doorbell most weekends with a tackle box and a case
or 2 of Blatz longnecks. Life truly was good and we savored our afternoons fishing, drinking, and telling lies. We had a saying
back then that if the fish weren't biting...the beer certainly would be. We stayed loyal to your brand for our expeditions and
endured many a painful hangover thanks to your brewing expertise. We introduced many of our friends to Blatz and I like to
think that they are better people for having sampled your beer.

In 1991 I again relocated, this time to Anchorage Alaska and what was, as far as I could see, a Blatz free zone. I couldn't buy
it anywhere and often longed for its unique deliciousness. Mike and I again lost touch for a number of years, however our legendary
fishing trips were never forgotten. Flat tires, swamped boats, mosquitoes, rain and the blazing heat of an August afternoon were
never a problem as long as we had our sense of humor and a few bottles of Blatz beer.

Recently Mike and I ran into one another and our friendship is as strong as ever. We have resumed our fishing and lie telling trips,
sans one key element, that key element is Blatz beer. I have searched high and low for Blatz even enlisting the help of a friend who
owns a liquor store but sadly according to your website there are no distributors in Kansas or in any adjacent neighboring states
who can provide us with that which eludes us...we need Blatz beer, and we are willing to go the extra mile to get some.

Our thinking, skewed as it may be, is that a journey of a couple thousand miles for 2 cases of beer will not only satisfy our
thirst for Blatz, but, may also rocket us up the coolness scale like 100%. (I am recently divorced and a coolness bump can't hurt my
dating game right?) We figure as long as we are making the trip anyway we may as well try to tour the brewery where the beer that
got us through some otherwise useless fishing trips, is made. Our plan is to purchase the 2 cases of beer, and then sneak out to what
is now private property, (our old fishing hole) and re-live a piece of our youth. All the while ignoring the "no trespassing" signs,and evading
whatever sort of law enforcement may be present that day.You hold the key to recapturing our youth. Turn that key...unlock the door to the past.

In closing I wish to thank you for taking the time to read this rather lengthy letter and for considering our request for a brewery tour. In
any case we will make the trip, get the beer, and enjoy a fishing trip and a brief glance into our colorful past...fishing, drinking, telling lies
and remembering the good old days.

Warmest regards,
Mark Price