Monday, January 27, 2014

Teach Your Children Well...

School is back in session. I drove Sweety-Pie to class the other day because she was running late and didnt want to look for parking. It seems to me that some parents are clearly wasting their hard earned dollars by sending their kids away to college. The money would be better spent sending them to some sort of remedial kindergarten. Here are a few notes to go over with the kids before sending them off to pretty much anywhere.

#1 Walking in the street is dangerous. Part of your parents money pays for those empty sidewalks. They were put there for you, use them.

#2 You are not special. Look around, there are bunches of others just like you.

#3 Thats a "back" pack...wearing it in the front, covering your field of vision will possibly injure you and will positively make you look like an idiot.

#4 Winter in Kansas is cold. Wear a coat. Ladies, coats are clunky and they cover up your new college outfits but remember from #2 nobody is looking at you anyway. Guys, frostbite doesnt make you look tough. Its pretty gross actually. And guys, no females are gonna be interested in kissing you while you are nursing a nasty, mid-winter, coughy, boogery, phlegmy cold. Wear a coat.

#5 Look before you cross the street. Dont assume that "pedestrians have the right of way". A 3000lb car travelling at 30mph will fucking ruin your day. (yes, I was hit by a car once. I wasnt hurt bad but my bicycle was pretty much trashed)

#6 This is an important one... The people you are pissing off with your juvenile antics today, (me), are the same ones you will be expecting to give you a tip when you serve them dinner tomorrow.

Dont get me wrong, I really like young people. I just think they sometimes forget the basics when they go off to college. So, Mom and Dad, Go over some basic rules of survival with your college bound kids and send them on their way with a hug, a kiss and their mittens securely safety pinned to their coats.

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