Left of Center Award!

Thanks and a HUGE shout out to Leese at Living Me 101 for sending me this award. Now this is how awards should be passed along. It feels really personal or something, like a gift, of underwear. Yeah thats it. And she made it herself. Leese made underwear and gave it to me...wait, not underwear, the award thats like underwear, but really nice underwear, silk or something equally shiny and slippery.

It's weird how all the good stuff is either shiny or slippery or both...like a goldfish. A real goldfish, not the snack crackers. Luckily this award, like shiny, slippery underwear won't be dying soon and need to be flushed down the crapper like a goldfish would. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

"This award is better than a goldfish"

Hmm. This will be a very tough award to pass on because it is quite specific. I'm not gonna try to pass it just yet, but I couldnt wait to post it on my blog so here it is! I may just keep it for myself and never pass it on...would that be wrong?

I will be posting something in a day or two so please don't abandon me yet. Been sort of busy lately. Just time enough to lurk and comment from time to time. Love all your blogs so just keep doing the same sort of stuff or change it or whatever. See how scatterbrained I have become? Wow!
Gotta run...Thanks again Leese!

Wow, Another Award?

A big shout out to Leese over at Living Me 101 for honoring me with this award.

First off, has anyone seen Kanye? I will kick his ass right off this stage if he starts his crap.

This is a special award because it requires nothing from the recipient! Good thing too, since so many of my blogbuds are wrapped up in nanowrimo,(Jessica and Spot) Thanksgiving,(everyone) having jobs,(Cynica) and going on freakin vacations (Lilu!) this month. Following tradition I will be passing this award along to a few of my sweetest blogbuds. Oh since Chrissy is on blog-cation somebody send it her way please.
For the Award I nominate:

Cynica Sarcastamos @ What I'm Sayin

Spot @ What Passes For Sane On A Crazy Day

Danica @ Platitude Paradise

Kathryn @ From the Inside Out

Hmm, did I forget anyone? If I did feel free to swipe the button you know I think you're all sweet...Um BlackLog and Kurt, not that way. More of a manly sort of sweet. LMAO

The Interview Pt. 2

Due to my interviewer freaking out during our last session, we had to reschedule our time and start over. This is part 2 of our interview.

Interviewer: Are we ready to try this again?

Me: Sure but no guarantees, you want a beer before we start?

I: It's 8:30 in the morning...you think you should be drinking?

M: I'm not sure.

I: I understand your first blog post references a friend who is writing a screenplay. How is that going?

M: I don't know. We don't talk about that anymore.

I: Oh? Trouble in blog paradise?

M: No. We both just have really short attention spans, if you couple that with almost no adult supervision you are left with the mess that is our collective thought process.

I: So, what do you talk about?

M: Different stuff.

I: Such as?

M: I promised I wouldn't say poop and pee.

I: OK Never mind then. Your blog post "I LUV MY JOB" talks about your work on the railroad, is that fulfilling?

M: I'm not sure "work" is an accurate description of my railroad job. I usually just sit and look out the window. And write blog posts.

I: So, would you be comfortable calling yourself an aspiring writer?

M: It depends on what I was doing when I called myself an aspiring writer.

I: I'm sorry, I don't follow.

M: Well, if I was sitting in my easy chair then yes, I would be comfortable. But, if I were say standing outside a burning building in the freezing cold wearing a shower curtain I would be uncomfortable.

I: The hell are you even talking about?

M: Sorry, I was trying to think of a very uncomfortable situation.

I: I should say so. Where did you come up with that scenario?

M: My blog-buddy Danica's blog.

I: I see.

M: It would also be very uncomfortable to be trapped in a haunted garage cubby hole.

I: Another blog reference?

M: Yes, from Spot's blog. Spooky stuff.

I: What would you do with a million dollars?

M: Probably build a big prodution set and create video blog posts spoofing tv movies and commercials. Then I would buy a really nice cape to wear to pbandtuna next year.

I: PB and Tuna?

M: LiLu's birthday party. Another blogger. Waaaay funny.

I: I shudder to think. So do you read several other blogs then?

M: Yes, they're listed in my "blogs I follow" area. There's a lot of talent here. Writers, artists, photographers, and comedians.

I: Your favorite?

M: All of them.

I: What was that look all about?

M: I just farted.

I: Thats it! We are done here. It's clear your main interest in life is goofing off, and making my life miserable.

M: Thats a fairly accurate observation but we just got started. I thought I might do some limmericks!

I: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

The Interview Pt. 1

I decided to try an interview type post. I totally stole the idea from Kathryn's Blog I hope you like it.

Interviewer: Mark Price, Creative name you use to sign your blog posts.

Me: Yeah I got it from my folks.

I: I see, how long have you been blogging

M: About 30 minutes today...I type really slow.

I: Actually I meant when did you start your Screenplay blog?

M: Oh, a couple months ago.

I: How would you describe your blog? The content?

M: I think it's a mix of chaos and confusion. I really just want to make people laugh.

I: I see you write an awful lot about, um, bodily functions. Why?

M: I'm not sure what you mean...the poop and pee thing?

I: Yeah, the poop and pee thing.

M: I really haven't got an answer for that. I wake up every day and write about whats on my mind. Maybe I woke up those mornings needing to go poop or pee.

I: OK, TMI. Lets talk about...

M: Of course if I need to pee that early in the morning the odds are that I will have a pee-on. I never blog about pee-ons.

I: I'm not sure I even know what a pee-on is.

M: It's like a hard-on, but its caused from having to pee real bad while you're sleeping. It's kind of a morning surprise. One minute you're asleep, the next you're all like "Well, hello friend, where'd you come from". Some guy's call it morning wood.

I: OK, OK, I think I've got it!

M: Morning wood? Now? Um, its afternoon. That wouldn't be a pee-on.

I: I don't have a pee-on! Never mind, where were we?

M: Hey it's totally ok if you have a "chubby" but I'm straight as an arrow...sorry to dissappoint you.

I: I'M NOT DISSAPPOINTED!!! Can we do this another time?

M: Riiiiiight. OK.

Post # 60...Really?

So I have been pretty blogstipated for a few days and was starting to feel like I had nothing to say...I know weird. This post is me opening my typing mouth and seeing if anything comes out. I thought post #60 should be something special or interesting or funny but the truth is I got nothin! So I went back over my shortlived blogging career and just read some old posts. Fun stuff. One thing I noticed was the regular use of acronyms in the comments.

WTF is a popular one but what does it mean? The "W" is the variable, is it Who, What, When, Where, or Why? Of course the "F" is also interchangeable. F**k, Frown, Fellow, Fun, or Freak! I don't know wtf people are saying when they use WTF.

And what about LOL? Is there a level of praise attached to the variations of an online giggle? For instance is LOLOL better than just plain old LOL? And what about LMAO? Surely there is a difference. If you get a ROFLMAOOL you should probably get a prize to go with it right?

Why is BRB never associated with, Been Real Busy? How do we know for sure that the "F" in BFF isn't the same "F" in WTF? That would certainly change things huh?

Then you have the ever present OMG. It is like a blog comment staple item. Like salt in a blog comment recipe. If I had a nickle for every OMG in bloggville, I would be rich.

So with that said I will go back to thinking about my next post, but I will leave you with this...
WTF am I doing LMAO OL while reading posts from my BFF's blog and other BBB's? IKR? BTW, OMG my BGF is a PITA sometimes...BION! JK! TTYL!

WTF???

To Pee or Not To Pee

This is gonna be a long ass post so if you need to pee do it now, we are not pulling over! And grab an aspirin cause this may give you a killer headache. This is a text conversation I had with my friend last night. I thought it was funny so I'm posting it here for all the world to see.(both my regular readers)(oh and her ) Be advised, I typed for like 3 hours so you could be a text voyuer.(sp?) If it sux, Just say hey this sux and I wont do part 2 tomorrow. Really? you ask. Yes really! Buckle up here we go.

Friend, (hereafter referred to as F): I sent you an e-mail of my first kids book.

Me, (hereafter referred to as M): Friend, I really liked imagining the pics, till I had to picture a little dog pissing on a tree. Really? Is the sequel gonna feature little Boo in heat getting gang dog-raped and going on Maury? Hmm? I loved it sans the pee though. Nice story and visuals, excellent phrasing.

F: No pee? Really? Hmm you don't look like a priss...u dont sound like a priss but for someone so poop obsessed you want no pee? Me thinks youre a total priss!

M: Priss? Hello Kettle? its me the pot! We're talking about 4 yr olds here!

F: ogs pee on everything and ma and pa always have their noses in their laptops...no?

M: Im writing a new grinds my gears post.

F: Dont change the subject Prissy Price!

M: I noticed my musings arent as funny when read aloud, is that normal?

F: see previous message

M: I cant help changing the subject and you forgot to send one of your texts. I have one that begins with ...ogs pee on everything.(pg 1 missing)

F: Scroll
F: Heres the deal Gloria,I have a smartphone unlike fruit phones my texts dont get split up into whatever wont choke my phone. a long text comes in one long flowing bubble...get a real phone!

M: Gloria is in the shower!
M: BTW this is great dialog for a post, im giggling a lot.

F: So back to the pee thing

M: well I dont see my sister buying a book for my neices that involves dog piss
M: I dont recall reading my kid any books with dog piss in them. totally would have put a new spin on the "Golden Books" though.

F: R U Kidding? Pee is really that offensive? ask around for me.

M: When your publisher says "we love it but lose the urine or its a no-go" thats pretty clear. And I will not be asking random people their views on pee in childrens books.

F: Who R U?

M: I'm Alphonse, call me!

F: TJI (this just in) Kids love anything with pee and poop whatswrongwithyou?

M: I will ask Lovely wife she is a pee poop authority.
M: Well I asked the boy he says no pee!

F: quit lying HEIR POOPMEISTER! I call a BS boy conspiracy!

M: I asked lovely wife she said pee...out! woo-hoo

F: what is wrong with you Kansassaurases? poo and pee are kiddies friends, they love em!

M: LOL

F: Everything has poop and pee in it now. theres a popular kids book called Why we Poop, and The Gas We Pass too. Where ya been Pricestone? weve missed you at the quaaaaaarry!

M: those books are poop specific though, to explain to kids why they poop. Yours is about finding something that sounds like "E" Its 3 to 1 against.
M: So is it published yet?

F: You really think a parent is gonna freak out over pee? Really? Yeah but you dont have a 5 yr old plus you put ketchup on everything!

M: I had a 5 yr old once and I have 4 neices and nephews age 5 and under...Im a pro.

F: Why yes, yes it is! Shut up. Geez! No it's not published- U know that Alphonseretta! But I dont think pee is a deal breaker. Maybe, but I aint seein it Gloria. I think I should pose the question on my blog.

M: Come on, bloggers are fibbers, they will say they love it just to be nice.

F: I before E except after C

M: what?

F: Neices is wrong. Duh get spell check

M: Really? pfffft.

F: Im not a blog liar. If I say I like it I really do.

M: me too but everyone cant be us. I know I have posted sum crap.

F: Back to your android nIEces and nephs, they wouldnt laugh at pee?

M: They might but their moms wouldnt, therefore no book sales. Well?

F: Well what? if you think it needs something else come up with it dont just sit there. Grief. monkey.

M: you got quiet and their is spelled correctly E before I... so PFFFT!

F: LOL, Thats a German word!

M: Their is a German word? I use it all the time. Hmm Im bilingual I guess.

F: Kidding my little assisant DA. I got nothin.

M: How bout this. Try doin without the pee and just send them home to dinner. Say goodbye to their friends at the park and off they go.

F: What about kite time and brushing their teeth? Did u read the whole thing? What? You were traumatized when u got to the pee part and couldnt go on?

M: I only got to there. I thought it was the end. Thats all that came. Last word was pee. Theres more? Hmm that may help. Send balance please.

F: Theres that pesky little SCROLL word again.

M: LMAO! I scrolled! I found the rest LOL
M: OK if I didnt luv u I wouldnt say this...I hate the balloon verse. Read it aloud and see if you still like it.

F: damn fruity phones anyway. So does it make the pee more acceptable? I'll re-read the balloon part. Judgy Wudgy was a bear...remember it's for little kids. theyre nice and they like balloons! So re-word it for me, O Red Headed Einstein.

M: Agreed I like the idea of balloons but give one to anyone who says theyre pretty? Bluuuuck. stand by a sec.

F: note to self: make a balloon verse rhymeing one and fun.

(OKay at this point I gave her a sweet line but it may be protected so.....)

F: Excellent but can we include sharing them too? Plus all the verses need the same sing songy rythem. KWIM?

M: Yeah, oh writer extrordinaire its called iambic pentameter or something. Why share the balloons? Thats crap, maybe take one home to mom.
M: Oh and Um rythem is rythm...no E and rhymeing is rhyming...also no E. google it.

F: OH God I've created a monsta!

M: Ya.

What Grinds My Gears vol. 3

You know what grinds my gears? Chain E-Mails. They promise good luck, fortunes, and miracles all for the low low price of irritating the crap out of your friends. Helloooo I don't need any help to be irritating. Ask anyone who knows me.

It really pisses me off to be minding my own business when some do-gooder feels the need to wreck my day with a chain E-Mail. These things come wrapped in all sorts of pretty little E-packages with their humorous or inspiring prose wrapped inside. Once I got one that had quotas attached to it. "Pass this on to 8 people and your day will be filled with good luck. Pass it on to 15 people and your dreams will come true in a month. Pass it on to 30 people and a giant goose will crap you out a golden turd! OK I made up the goose, but you get the gist.

Stop sending me these things people, I don't want them and I will not be sending them along to others. The fact that you sent it to me makes you partially responsible for the chain being broken. Even if it worked would it be worth it to irritate everyone in my contact list just to wake up to a bathtub filled with strippers and melted snickers bars?
OK that might make me do it.

Heres the thing, I believe in miracles and good luck but I don't believe they are prerequisite to me annoying the piss out of 8 of my friends. Thanks for listening!
Back to you Tom.