Yummy, Why didn't someone tell me?

I just had a bluberry scone from Starbucks...Oh Em Gee! (thats 12 year old girl slang for WOW) It was soooo good! Maybe the snickers bar that I ate for supper last night was totally gone and I was starving but, that scone rocked!! I no longer have any use for the lowly muffin, nay, the scone is now my breakfast of choice! I just finished reading Treasure Island so I may use words like "nay" and "aye" for awhile in my posts.

Ok that said, I wanted you all to know that I spoke with dear Cynica yesterday. She wanted you all to know she is back from her wanderings but is a little under the weather. Look for her to post in the near future.

So it's New Years Eve (day) and I want to wish you all the very best 2010 possible. I hope to see you all on here often as your posts and pictures brighten my days. Spot, you should be ashamed of yourself for leaving us all hangin yesterday! That was like trying to eat one potato chip... I know however that the story will be worth the wait. Danica, I can hardly wait to hear what evil deeds are yet to come from Narci O' the North, and how you and Eyvi are plotting against him and his band of evil-doers! Kathryn, I look forward to many new and exciting interviews with the cornflower blue eyed Clinton Kelly and stories of your automotive woes. Jessica, your adventures with Tim are always entertaining and I love the foul language and the photos. Leese, you can make me giggle on the worst of days and I know you read all my posts so you get a gold star. Heather, I don't know anything about art but I am taking an interest thanks to your posts and pictures. I hope that when you become famous we can have a pint and watch some cartoons! This is dragging on so I am cutting myself off here. To all my blogbuds, have a great 2010 and keep the posts coming!

Amazon you're a genius!

Guess what I got for Christmas? Yes a Kindle. Oh it's really cool. But the coolest thing is how Amazon sold a toy that is never ever paid for! They are marketing geniuses! I know right? See how it works is this, first you buy the Kindle, then you decide you may want to use it on a road trip so you buy a car charger, then you buy a lovely case for it to protect your investment.

So Christmas comes and you get all giddy and happy even though the cat was let out of the bag a couple of weeks ago when you got that confirmation e-mail from Amazon saying your Kindle and case and accessories would be delivered soon. So you happily open your new gift and begin to check it out and it is all good and everyone is happy and then you decide you want to read a book on it like right now. Yep, they want another $10 or so but it is cool because you have the new book in less than a minute. I know right? It was sooo cool that after I read that book I ordered another one...$10 again, but I have a new book to read in less than a minute and I didn't have to go to the book store or library or even get in my car that was buried in the snow.

It could be that my new Kindle saved my life. The roads were terribly snowy and dangerous but thanks to the marketing geniuses at Amazon, I was safe in my little room. They maybe should advertise the life saving qualities of their product.

I think that Lovely will soon take my new toy away from me lest we end up homeless in the streets due to my lust for literature and the coolness of a whole book arriving on my machine in like 60 seconds.

OK, I know that there are some folks on here who have made their blogs available to subscribe to on the Kindle. I have to say I probably won't subscribe because I get to read these awesome blogs for free right here on blogger. If ever comes a time that I can't read them due to broken down computer or if I am whisked off to outer space as a captive of aliens, I then will subscribe to the Kindle blogs.(note: if the aliens are female with say 3 boobs I may just stow away on their spaceship)

I did however find a serious problem with my Kindle...I can't loan a Kindle book to a friend. That sucks for me and for my friends but I think that for Amazon it will be very profitable. Based on this fact alone, I am recommending Amazon stock as a strong buy for the short term. I will post a quick note when the Lovely wife takes my new toy away. I will title it SELL! SELL! SELL!

Lets Make A Deal!!

I have never been one to have headaches, unless it is due to too much alcohol...if there even is such a thing as too much alcohol. I have a splitting headache right now. I have been having them for awhile now and I think they are due to my stress level. I know right? What stress?


So here I sit at what is arguably one of the best medical facilities in the country and certainly one of the best in the midwest, dying from a friggin headache.
They have all sorts of drugs here. Cancer drugs, virus drugs, bacteria killers...etc. But not a friggin asprin to be had anywhere. Not for a visitor anyway.

In my desparation I went to speak to some ladies in the hospital cafeteria to maybe see if I could score some ibuprofen tablets. DENIED! Maybe the gift shop...Ugh, closed at 7:00 and it's a quarter to 8. DENIED!
Summoning the dark powers from deep within my twisted psyche I contemplated rolling a passing visitor carrying a huge purse that undoubtedly contained some fucking asprin or some pain killers or maybe a gun with which I could remove my offending appendage...my head.

It was the thought of the gun that snapped me back to reality. A headache is bad but a gunshot wound followed by a lengthy prison sentence is probably much worse. Or is it? In any case I opted not to mug the lady with the American Tourister suitcase sized purse.

I still had the headache, and I was no nearer to any relief than when I started. Then I remembered a particular game show from my youth..."Lets Make A Deal". I'm showing my age here but I don't care because I still look good. (okay I made that up) In the last minutes of the show Monty Hall (the host) would offer audience members cash for everyday items they might have on thier person. He might offer like 100 bucks for a paperclip or an ink pen. It was genius, crazy people digging through pockets and purses like mad trying to get that loot, all while dressed in ridiculous costumes. I miss that show.

So I went to a nurses station and announced that three ibufrofen tablets would be worth like 10 bucks. Guess what...it worked! And the kind nurse didn't even want the $10.00 There you go then. Ask and you shall receive, or ask and offer money and you shall receive.

Thats about all I have for now, Junior is having eye surgery and this is the nervous gibberish I am using to pass the time.

Happy Holidays!

Hey Blog-buds! Just a note to wish you all a very Merry Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanza or whatever holiday you do at your house. I am off to see the boy for a couple days. The money-pit is progressing nicely we have hired a contractor who apparently doesn't need to make a yacht payment this month. I will post more later and maybe something funny too! Depends if the local Home Depot has a sense of humor or a really fast security guy or something. I dunno for sure yet. I hate it that I have been too busy to write on here for a few weeks but I do peruse your posts from time to time and they are great as usual! Anyway, I will "see"? you all after the first of the year or maybe sooner, who knows? Have a great day!

I'm Still Here!

Hey blogbuds, it just occurred to me that I have been absent from blog-class for a long time. I'm still here! I have been very very busy with one thing or another lately but I haven't forgotten you all! I am trying to get my house, (aka the money pit) ready for the return of my son. I will be returning to blogville soon though and will likely have some really good "i hate my contractor" stories. So don't delete me from your blogrolls just yet. Thinking of you all...Mark.

Really? How Hard Is This Stuff?

Are some people just rude? Were they just not raised properly? In case people don't realize it when they are doing stupid shit that irritates me, I am offering up some tidbits of what I call life etiquette.

When I eat dinner at home I don't usually set out 3 forks, 2 spoons, and a separate knife for butter and steak. When I am preparing to sit down to a ham sammich and some chips, I don't think it's necessary to have a dinner plate, a bread plate,and a soup bowl. Likewise I don't need a water glass, a wine glass, and a teacup and saucer to drink a can of pop.(beer) Usually a single plate and a napkin are all that is required. I know, I am a total neanderthal.(so sue me Martha Stewart) There are some books available that teach etiquette, but sadly some normal, everyday situations didn't make the list. Here are a couple that come to mind.

First there is the "thank you wave". When I'm blazing through traffic at well over 100mph and I slow down to let Old Uncle Otis crowd into the Nascar race that I call rush hour, he should throw me a thank you wave. "Hey Mark, thanks for letting me in front of you even though you know I'm only going to drive 27mph. And I am going to be getting back off the hiway after 4 illegal lane changes in a 1 mile stretch of road because I am totally lost anyway." Is it really that hard to raise one hand and wave a simple thank you? I think not.

Next we have the "elevator hold". Really lady, how much longer is your trip to the friggin 2nd floor going to take because you let me get on the elevator? You know you just looked and saw me running towards you screaming like a madman to "hold the elevator". Did I scare you? Did you really feel like you were in danger of me mugging you? Did you think the other 4 people on the elevator were my accomplices, or was I planning on taking you all down? Maybe you thought my coffee was going to be used as a weapon...Again, I think not.

How about "please", "thank you", and "excuse me"? These may well be in the existing etiquette books, especially the please and thank you, but "excuse me" has several uses that people either don't know about or choose to ignore.
If someone crashes into you at the supermarket is it too much to ask for a simple "excuse me"?
How about when a fart slips out in the line at Starbucks?
Option A: Keep quiet and pretend I don't know it was you who dropped ass, even though I am standing right behind you and clearly saw your dress poof out 6 inches. Or...
Option B: Say excuse me!
What about the waitress at your local diner who reaches across the table to fill a water glass and dusts your cheeseburger with yesterdays underarm deodorant? Yeah, theres an "excuse me" moment...check please!

I could probably go on all night about this stuff, but I have some other stuff to do today. If you all will please excuse me, I will be signing off for now. Thank you and have a great day!

The Friendly?... Skies

I was reading a post from one of my very favorite bloggers the other day and decided to post this. A thank you for the idea and a loud blog shout-out to Jessica at Booshy. She was telling a story about her sucky flight and it occurred to me that I too have been on some crappy flights.

One such flight was when The lovely wife, the son,and I were heading home to Anchorage from Kansas after a nice visit with our peeps.

Picture, if you will,passengers crying...yeah with tears and stuff. I would have bet you a paycheck that it was Skippy's (made up pilots name) first unassisted landing attempt. I remember telling Lovely that if he didn't land soon that I was going to do it for him. (note: I'm not a pilot) Finally though, after many many approaches and aborted landings... our pilot Skippy, the forces of gravity, and our almost certain lack of enough fuel to try even one more time got us safely on the ground. We were in Phoenix enroute to Anchorage. If not for the whole 3000+ miles to go thing, I swear I would have rented a car to finish the trip. It sucked.

Almost as bad as our trip from Honolulu to Dallas.
Our pilot informed us on takeoff that we would have 2 and a half hours of smooth flying. Let's see 8+ hours to get to Hawaii, and only 2 and a half to get back? I thought, Wow this is either one really fast jet or were fucked in a couple of hours.

Yep, fucked. Flight attendants had the first round of drinks served in about 15 minutes. Then a meal,and a second round of drinks. After about 2 hours I noticed them strapping themselves in their tiny flight attendant seats, If you're ever on a plane and you see that happening, ask the lady sitting next to you for all of her remaining Xanax. Trust me you will be glad you did. 6 hours of slamming around inside an aluminum tube at 35000 ft. and don't even think you are going to the shithouse, unless you brought a helmet in your carry-on bag. Truly sucked. In fact that flight turned me off Hawaii. Next time I will be on a ship thank you.

I remember another flight that I was on that was sort of freaky but cool so it doesn't entirely fit with the whole shitty flight theme. Anyway, myself and 5 other guys were going fishing in Seldovia, Alaska. We and our baggage were weighed before the air taxi people split us into 2 groups of 3. We were going to be in a tiny little plane so the pilot had to make 2 trips from Homer to Seldovia. Not a huge deal it's like a 10 minute flight. On our approach to land in Seldovia our pilot encouraged us to hang on as he would be stopping abruptly on touchdown, on a gravel pad known as the air strip... Wow, abruptly hardly explains that landing. Later I learned that it takes a lot more space to land a small plane than it does to take off. Who'da thunk it?

Ok last one...One Christmas I had sent Lovely wife, and son to Kansas for the holidays. I had to work so I wouldn't be joining them but secretly I planned to surprise them with a visit on Christmas Eve. I know, I'm cool like that. As my plane took off from Anchorage, I and pretty much everyone else on the flight noticed the pungent odor of a lot of smoke in the cabin. Hey this doesn't seem quite right. There was some fairly serious grumbling going on from my fellow passengers as well as some whispered prayers and probably some "Sorry I was such a crappy husband/wife I didn't love her/him it was purely physical"..blah blah blah confessions. Now if I have said it once I have said it a million times...don't start confessing stuff till the pilot tells you to. I think there is some kind of addendum they can throw out there to go along with the preflight "how to fasten a seatbelt" lecture.

Anyway we are all sort of wondering if they will be able to identify our bodies after being in the gulf of Alaska for a few days when Timmy(made up name) comes hopping down the center aisle with a screwdriver. I couldn't help myself, I started giggling. This kid who looked a lot like a 2nd year cubscout, thinks he is going to save us from our fiery plunge into the freezing cold ocean... with a screwdriver. You gotta know it was funny.

Soon the pilot informed us that we were indeed not on fire but we had blown a tire on takeoff and the tire was smoldering in it's little tire compartment under the plane. Not gonna die, perfectly ok to land minus one tire, aaaannnnnnd sorry for the heart attack. Thank you for choosing Delta and the weather in Salt Lake City is blah, blah, blah... I wonder if some of the passengers then spent the rest of the holiday season perusing the yellow pages for divorce lawyers.

Hey I would totally like to hear about your crappy flights too. Tell me in a giant comment or a tiny one, whatever you're comfortable with. See you next time!