Research

Daytime TV. Who's watching this stuff? I wanted to try to be more like a real writer so I asked my friend Mary what real writers do to prepare. She said I should research my subject, then write something. So, thats what I did! OK actually I vegged out on the couch for a whole day watching tv.
First up was Maury. Are all his shows titled "Are you my baby's daddy?" Really! So theres a chick on there who had been on the show a number of times before and once again Maury tells some random guy, "You are Not the father!!" and the guy hops happily around the stage for awhile and the girl runs off to the "backstage hysterical-crying room". By now the producers have spent thousands of dollars on plane tickets, and DNA tests flying half of the guy's who live in this girls hometown to his show only to find out none of them is the father. She must feel like such a whore, no wonder she is crying. If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her she would look like a porcupine!(a crazy sex toy version of a porcupine)
So I moved on to another channel to watch the white knuckled suspense of daytime court shows. Is anyone not a tv judge? We have a bunch to choose from but they all do pretty much the same show. The networks should spice it up a little. Judge Timmy The Transvestite would be funny, or maybe conjoined twin judges who always rule differently and beat the shit out of each other with their gavels! That would be entertaining.
So I moved on and hit the mother of all daytime tv shows. Jerry Springer! I know right? The guy is awesome and never lets America forget that even gap-toothed, cracked out, less-than-sexy people need love too! Granted a bunch of them find it at family reunions. Who cares though as long as it makes good tv. Scripted? I certainly hope so. His show also proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are a number of women out there who will show their boobs on tv for 34 cents worth of beads. I love this country!
I don't think we can blame the hosts though, or even the guests. Nope we need to blame the advertisers. If no big corporations advertised on these shows the shows would disappear. So, way to go brand X dishwashing liquid and brand Y super strength trash bags, you are giving the 6,000,000 unemployed people in this country something to do at home all day. Maybe someday, when they're working again they will return the favor and buy your products. (I wonder what it would cost me to advertise my blog on tv?)