Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Research

Daytime TV. Who's watching this stuff? I wanted to try to be more like a real writer so I asked my friend Mary what real writers do to prepare. She said I should research my subject, then write something. So, thats what I did! OK actually I vegged out on the couch for a whole day watching tv.
First up was Maury. Are all his shows titled "Are you my baby's daddy?" Really! So theres a chick on there who had been on the show a number of times before and once again Maury tells some random guy, "You are Not the father!!" and the guy hops happily around the stage for awhile and the girl runs off to the "backstage hysterical-crying room". By now the producers have spent thousands of dollars on plane tickets, and DNA tests flying half of the guy's who live in this girls hometown to his show only to find out none of them is the father. She must feel like such a whore, no wonder she is crying. If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her she would look like a porcupine!(a crazy sex toy version of a porcupine)
So I moved on to another channel to watch the white knuckled suspense of daytime court shows. Is anyone not a tv judge? We have a bunch to choose from but they all do pretty much the same show. The networks should spice it up a little. Judge Timmy The Transvestite would be funny, or maybe conjoined twin judges who always rule differently and beat the shit out of each other with their gavels! That would be entertaining.
So I moved on and hit the mother of all daytime tv shows. Jerry Springer! I know right? The guy is awesome and never lets America forget that even gap-toothed, cracked out, less-than-sexy people need love too! Granted a bunch of them find it at family reunions. Who cares though as long as it makes good tv. Scripted? I certainly hope so. His show also proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are a number of women out there who will show their boobs on tv for 34 cents worth of beads. I love this country!
I don't think we can blame the hosts though, or even the guests. Nope we need to blame the advertisers. If no big corporations advertised on these shows the shows would disappear. So, way to go brand X dishwashing liquid and brand Y super strength trash bags, you are giving the 6,000,000 unemployed people in this country something to do at home all day. Maybe someday, when they're working again they will return the favor and buy your products. (I wonder what it would cost me to advertise my blog on tv?)

9 comments:

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

Oh my. This one speaks to me (at the top of it's lungs!)
How about making it an ongoing commentary? This way those of us who are allergic to daytime TV can get the highlights without the guilt and eventual move to Canada.

Cynica Sarcastamos said...

BTW, the twins/gavels thing still has me rolling!

Anonymous said...

about time you write somthing new .. I like the job one the best but this was good also.. You got a fan base going here.. Dont let us down or we will have to watch daytime TV.


eric

Danica-Dragonfly said...

I have to agree whole hearted-ly with Cynica.

I have the whole mental image of these twins beating the hell outta each other.

Television in general is a sad and frightening commentary on the way we, as a society, are living in this generation. (Sorry - I just brought this right down, didn't I?)

It scares me - the stuff that is broadcast over our airwaves. I mean I am all for freedom of speech and all, but Some of this tripe is downright chilling.

I personally LOVE your blog, your sense of ha ha and your cat (though he makes me miss my cat) Keep up the good work!

D

Mark Price said...

Thank you cynica. You know I couldnt do it without your constant approval!Really though, don't you love Springer?

Eric, do we work together? Thought I recognized you! Fan Base?? wow!

Danica, you're allowed to be in a less than jovial mood, I read your blog yesterday about some motherless prick boss of yours...ugh! And my cat says hello!

Spot said...

First off I must correct you...there is no "hysterical backstage crying" room. It is a warren of mazelike hallways giving said whore many opportunities to run. Of course, she can't hide because crazy camera guy is on her ass like flies on poop. And seriously after like the 9th guy, do you really think you'd cry anymore? Wouldn't it be more like "yeah well, I didn't really think it was you anyway, I just wanted another trip to new york so I pulled your name outta my ass because of that one time when you and your friend did me in my crack dealers bathroom." Yeah. I think so.
And I can't even watch Springer anymore. Those people are gross! And it makes me sad that the show is probably seen in other countries and the people there are all like "kids, you better be good or we'll send you to america and they'll make you marry your cousin, sleep with your brother and show your boobs on tv. Plus they don't have dentists and everyone's teeth fall out".
But I might tune in for Timmy the Transvestite Judge.

giggles,
♥Spot

Mark Price said...

I stand corrected. It is a maze of hallways. It seems you may have "researched" daytime tv too! LOL

Anonymous said...

Yes we work together... If you call it work... I like to call it hellish work torture.. Keep up the good work


Eric

Leese said...

Ok.. first, I loved this post!

Second.. so um, next time you Maury could you grab the number to call for his next Baby-Daddy show? I think my husband's crack whore ex wife should call in...

Third.. Porcupine Sex Toy? Um.. you wouldn't happen to know where to get one of those would you?? LOL!!

Fourth.. Why is my word verification "bogynesh" .. is there something your not telling us??

Fifth.. Are you sure your cat is a cat? It's HUGE!!

Sixth.. Ignore 2 thru 5. I lost count on how much coffee I had today and I'm zooming!!

Love the site btw..