Marketing For The Masses...

So I'm watching TV the other night. I know what you must be thinking, "Ol Price sure watches a lot of TV." It's true, and I know it's wrong but when I'm stuck in the hotel for hours there isn't much else to do. (squeaky inner voice...what about the workout room?)
Please stand by while I choke out my inner voice.

So anywhat, there I am watching TV and a toilet paper commercial comes on. It features a mother cartoon bear and her young cub. The cub had apparently just taken a nice dump and mom was checking his asshole to see if he had properly wiped. As it turned out the cub had indeed wiped but there was still a collection of toilet paper dingleberries stuck to his ass. The reason? Sub-standard toilet paper.

Now I ask myself, what marketing genius came up with this? I wish I could have been at the meeting that surely went something like this...

TP Exec: I see our competitors have begun quilting their toilet paper. How are we going to compete with that?

Marketing #1: Well sir we feel you should lower prices and play the bad economy sympathy card.

TP Exec: We are in the business of making money, not losing it! YOU ARE BANISHED!
(at this point a surly looking dwarf jumps out and punches marketing guy in the nuts)

TP Exec: NEXT!

Marketing #2: Sir our plan is to try and copy the quilting process only with a slightly different pattern. Then claim our pattern is more shit absorbent.

TP Exec: Thats the stupidest idea ever. How can one pattern absorb more shit than another...YOU ARE BANISHED!
(again the surly dwarf jumps out and punches marketing guy in the nuts)

TP Exec: NEXT!

Marketing #3: Well sir, (sweating) My team feels that toilet paper dingleberries are a real problem in today's society. We plan to use cartoon bears to show how your product will leave fewer dingleberries while still absorbing all the shit smears.

TP Exec: (dwarf cracks knuckles and smiles) Wait! That just may work. Just before this meeting, my secretary pointed out that while scratching my taint, a toilet paper dingleberry had become lodged under my fingernail. That could have been very embarrasing.
Congratulations boy, you have the account! (holds out hand and marketing guy disgustedly shakes it. Dwarf smells fingers)

And so it came to pass that, a company sells us a product using cartoon bears to play on our fear of dingleberries.
Simply Amazing!