When I was 18 years old it was legal for me to drink beer in my state. By state I mean geographically not my mental state. I was very glad of this because I really like beer. One night some friends and I were doing our usual mon./tue./wed./thur./fri./sat./ thing at a local bar. Just hanging out having a few beers (few is a relative term) and contemplating the irreparable damage that we were doing to our livers and brain cells.
Being from the midwest I was no stranger to having a big nasty wad of chewing tobacco in my mouth pretty much all the time.(Really? Who said EEEeewwww? So, it's safe to assume that you have never had anything questionable inside your mouth? thats what I thought.) For this reason a lot of us young men carried 2 beer bottles. One was for drinking from and the other was for spitting into. So after we had solved pretty much all the worlds problems I reached for my drinking beer and had a refreshing swig of ...tobacco juice! Lemme tell you, thats one mistake you don't want to make twice. I quickly decided that things could only get worse if I alerted my friends to my mistake as they would have undoubtedly given me some hideous nickname that I would still be trying to shake 25 yrs later. I calmly set the bottle down and acted as if nothing had happened. A couple of seconds later the guy to my right picked up his spitting bottle and made a nice deposit into it. Thats when I realized it was the same bottle I had just set down. TMI? Sorry, and have a nice Thursday!
From One Mother, to Another
1 year ago
13 comments:
OH MY GAWD!!!
I'm sorry to disappoint, but I have NEVER had ANYTHING that questionable in my mouth ... and THAT is sayin' sumthin' eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Oh GROSS! I totally would have thrown up!
That's disgusting. Chewing is disgusting. Being from the midwest also...plenty of guys around here do that. Still disgusting. But in all fairness...
One day, after a um party the night before, the hostess called me. Now, mind you, I had drunk 3 grown men under the table at this party and didn't remember much after that. The hostess says "you'll never guess what we have videotape of you doing last night".
Me: oh shit. did I strip?
Her: NO!!
Me: that's a relief. Yep, if it's not that I have no clue.
Her: chewing tobacco.
Me: no way!! that's disgusting.
And it is. Should have stripped.
♥Spot
Hey Hey Hey, I didn't make up this TMI Thursday, I'm only participating because everybody else is doing it. Yes, it was gross.
LiLu,If I recall, you had your arm elbow deep in a poopy toilet. Also gross. Hope you had a great time in New Yawwk. Thanks for stopping by!
Spot? Is that you? Welcome back!
Dear Cuz,
Well it wasn't booze but in high school a guy who lived on a farm with horses had a party. There was soda pop available to keep the ice cubes and jack daniels company on the table. Some idiot brought Squirt or Mello Yellow, anyways, the host went out to the barn to get a donation of urine from one of the horses into the Mello Yellow bottle. He proceeded to wipe the bottle clean and set it back down on the table. Along came a drunk partier and filled his glass with jack daniels, ice and topped it off with Mr. Ed's finest. To our shame nobody said anything as we watched him drink. When the room fell silent he asked what was up and he was told what he did. Lesson: I don't drink anything I didn't bring to the party.
I just threw up in my mouth.
Hey! I had an alcohol-related chew experience, too! (Mark - this is a great TMI but it's so short! Here, let me help you out.)
So we went to this big fancy party - evening gowns, tuxes, blah, blah, blah - and afterward we go back to my buddy's house. We park ourselves around the kitchen table in all of our sparkling finery (Hell yeah, we're white trash), and he promptly pulls out his Copenhagen. Or was it Skoal? Dark ages, I know... Anyway, so I'm watching him carefully place this wad in his lip and I'm thinkin' 'Wow, I've never tried THAT. I want some!' So I grab the can and ceremoniously ask him if I can try it. Geez! Youda thunk I'd offered him the sacrificial virgin AND a Whopper. Lemme tell ya, he knocked over his chair, his beer AND his broken carburetor jumping to his feet. Oh he was all over that - "Somebody grab the camcorder! Here, let me help you" he says as he cranks out my lower lip and stuffs a wad the size of Rhode Island in my totally virgin kisser.
Words cannot describe. I never even closed my mouth. Once that crap was in, and I experienced the stunningly stunning smell, taste and feeling of that nasty-gram in MY face, I leaned over the table, pulled my lip back out and watched as that s*** fell out in slow motion onto a stack of WHAM CDs.
I can remember screaming "Geh ih owwwt! Geh ih owwwt!" - no my tongue would not go near it or even down the block from it. (can't imagine what the neighbors concluded)
Of course I didn't remember this event the next day. There was no evidence of tobacco in my teeth (because back in the day, if I drank, I got bombed, I barfed. It was my M.O. - sorry if your shoes ever got in my way. For this reason I ALWAYS brushed my teeth before passing out.) Well, with no memory of performing the highlight event of the evening, I didn't believe them. So you can imagine my delight when the video tape surfaced. Oh, thank GOD for that. I'm pretty sure it was one of my buddy's proudest moments (guys, I was in sequins. Visualize.) He probably still has that tape.
Cuz, Finally you comment! yea make it a habit please. Thats pretty good advice about drinkin at parties, sidenote if you ever decide to take up a nasty chewing tobacco habit remember to ALWAYS rip the label off your spit bottle.
Cynica, Your memory has before come into question. I'm sure though that this is all accurate info you provided. I will not however have you commenting on the length of my TMI's. Is nothing sacred? Some things shouldn't be discussed in a public forum such as this, and does size even matter? LOL I win!
Ha! I know you can't help the size of your blog. That's why I gotcha covered. But what, may I ask, could you possibly mean about my memory with regard to this story? Geez! As if you were even there...
WOW. that is so gross. My freshman year roommate (a girl from a very expensive private school) chewed tobacco so I figured I'd try it, why not right? try anything once. well, no one told me not to swallow any of it. and i did. and I puked for hours. and hours. it was the nastiest thing I've ever tried. And I've eaten snail.
Wow, Mark...that's just so sexy. You must've had the girls all over you for that one.
Forget the wine and the folded napkins...you've got yourself a whole new hunky-wave......
I'm gonna go rinse my mouth out now...
It's true Kathryn, I was quite the ladies man...or not. Thats why we hung out at the bar, the girls were all drunk.
I can relate.
Not with a bottle of chew juice, mind you, but let's just say it involves one of the multitude of Dunkin' Donuts cups in my bedroom and the need to use one for alternative purposes in the middle of the night OR when one of the Y chromos I live with stinks up the bathroom.
So badong!!!
I think I'm going to have to do a TMI Thursday!!
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